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The nice thing about pessimism

People love optimism. They treat optimism like it's the shit, like there's nothing better than being optimistic, and like optimism is what drives the economy. Sure, optimism makes us confident enough to reach out for big things in life-- the top-notch job, the hot date, the great deal on a new home. But optimism is also kind of overrated.

See, there are other things that play into something being a success.

Take pessimism, for instance. Nobody appreciates pessimism, but if you think about it, pessimism is what allows you to get those things. Without pessimism, the top-notch employer wouldn't be wasting time interviewing a shmuck like you-- they'd probably think they can get someone more experienced, maybe more of an expert in their field.

Without pessimism, the hot model chick or the sexy hedge fund guy wouldn't even be wasting another minute bantering with you, because they'd think they can do way, way better. They'd hedge their bets and wait for someone funnier, smarter, and more attractive to come along. And they'd be so certain they'd get it.

And without pessimism, forget about ever buying that house you wanted. Each time you place a bid on it, the price would keep going up (because the owner is so optimistic about selling higher.)

Imagine that. We'd all be homeless without pessimism! (And that includes the optimists.)

Have you ever seen a couple, and thought to yourself, "How did that ugly fat guy get that hot girl?" There are so many couples that come to mind. I personally think women, on a whole, are more pessimistic and risk-averse about everything than men are. So women are more likely to end up with the ugly fat dude than the other way around.

I mean, have you seen Melania Trump? That woman is a living sculpture, even between younger women.

Pessimism is the shining light in my life. Every time I get a great new career opportunity, for instance, I think to myself, "Wow. These guys really think that I'm their last dying hope? They think nobody's better to work for them than 'lil me? Damn, that is dark and pessimistic. Love it."

And whenever I sell a piece of furniture or decor for the price I'd advertised it, I think to myself, "This buyer could've totally bargained for way cheaper, because I'm so desperate to get rid of this junk. But s/he didn't. S/he must be pessimistic about getting a better deal. Yay."

Oh, and any time I get attention from a man who is insanely attractive, I can't help but think to myself, "This person is the modern-day Augustus Caesar, he can be making out with his stunning Empress right now, yet he is choosing to talk to plain 'ol me. Score."

Thank you, pessimists. If not for you, optimism wouldn't exist.

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